Navigating the Holidays: A Mental Health Professional’s Tips

The Holidays…love them or hate them…they are here! And it can be especially overwhelming for those with chronic physical and mental health conditions. So here are some tips on how to get through the holiday season.

In all my years of working with individuals there is a central theme to their most difficult struggles, and they can be grouped into three categories: stress, family issues, and grief.

The holiday stress on top of day to day stress can make this time of year almost unbearable for some. The shopping, the cooking, the presents and decorations, and family. Every year it seems like the holidays come sooner than the year before.

Setting boundaries

Acknowledge what you are feeling. You can’t tame it if you don’t name it. Remember to be gentle with yourself. It’s okay for you to feel sad or anxious AND still find some joy in this holiday season.
Reach out for support. Often when we feel like everyone is too busy to be bothered we don’t reach out. But the holidays are meant for community and gathering; love and appreciation.
Be realistic. While we may all be dreaming of unforgettable moments with family, not everything is in our control. We can’t control the weather, or who will be coming for the holidays.
Set a budget. Sticking with a budget will also help lessen the financial impact from the holiday season. There is no need to go into more debt than you already are. Doing so only creates more stress that will last long into the new year with the extra credit card payments.
Plan ahead. Planning may be just preparing yourself and your mind-set for this season. If you already know that this time of year is especially hard for you, then prepare yourself with the things you need to get through it. Planning allows things to be more predictable and helps with time management.
Set your differences aside. By no means am I saying that you should be around those that have harmed you in traumatizing ways. This isn’t an act of forgiveness merely a truce for a season of peace. Ask yourself: what is your purpose for going to holiday gatherings? Do I even want to see them? Is what I need more important at this time?
Learning to say no can be really hard…especially if you want to do ALL THE THINGS like me! But I find if I stop and ask myself what am I willing to do? What am I not willing to do? This allows you to take ownership instead of feeling like an obligation. This also allows you to

Family Issues

Check your attitude. If you go to a holiday event with a bad attitude then you will have a bad experience. Ask yourself: Am I going in with guns blazing or am I going in with an attitude of peace and joy? How do you want to present yourself and what energy do you want to bring? Again, I can’t stress the importance of realistic expectations. If you remember that the only thing that you can control is your reactions.
Keep potentially upsetting topics off limits. They say that nothing starts a fight quicker than politics and religion. Instead of focusing on your differences, focus on the things you have in common. And this isn’t the time or place to rehash old arguments. And limit your alcohol which causes you to respond out of emotion rather than logic.
Stay active. If you’ve developed wellness practices that have supported your journey then now is the time to stick with it. Getting off track and skipping days because of the holidays can make it very challenging to get back into that routine after the holidays. And talking a quick 10 minute walk around the block may be what’s needed to help cool things off in a heated moment.
Focus on gratitude. Did you know that 75% of your day is filled with some form of negativity? Focusing on gratitude can help you keep perspective. Also remembering to take what you like and leave the rest helps you practice tolerance.

Managing Grief

So grief is often made worse this time of year. The five stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. And they don’t go in order.

Set realistic expectations for yourself. Don’t try to do more than you can handle. Surround yourself with people that love and care about and support you. We need connection.
Celebrate in a way that feels good. Despite the temptation, try avoiding the urge to ‘cancel’ the holidays. As hard as it is to accept, life does go on after the death of a loved one. And that includes holidays. Instead, focus on maybe trying to create new memories and traditions.
Allow yourself to enjoy the holiday. But also allow yourself to feel all the emotions that come up…joy, sadness, anger. Feeling ALL of your emotions is a part of the process of grieving and each are equally important. We are programmed to survive.
Service work. The best way to get out of self is doing for others. Helping others who need extra support this time of year allows you to practice gratitude and generosity.

Working with a mental health professional is also an option to help you navigate through these areas. If you are wanting to find a therapist you can check out Psychology Today or BetterHelp. If you are in the Oklahoma area and want to work with me directly click here for more information.